Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
