She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
