It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
