I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Im part way to drunk.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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