My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
