I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
