It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
