But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
