Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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