I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
