On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
