Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
