I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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