sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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