he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
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I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
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I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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