the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
