life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
