Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
