The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
