who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
