Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I could fuck to npr.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
