We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I will be naked everywhere
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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