Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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