He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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