No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.