She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..