who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas