can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
