Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping