So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
