I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
