Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
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My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
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Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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