Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
