He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
