overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
