Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
