you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
