Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
