he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize