Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
