My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
