So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
