So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
