Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
