I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You're so nebulous sometimes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
