I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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