i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
