weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
