HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
