if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
