fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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