Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
