We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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