but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
