My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
