Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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