Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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