i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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