I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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