i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
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