I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize