I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
