i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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