i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
