I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
