Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
